Why Your Old Life Keeps Pulling You Back
Sometimes the environment has to change before the identity can stabilise.
It’s a question I’ve wrestled with many times. How can someone have a peak experience where they really see and feel the potential of a new way of being, but actually integrate that into their life in a sustainable and lasting way?
Part of that change and the work we have shared in this Substack is embodiment. Actually rehearsing that new state of being so that it becomes more and more real and felt within the body.
Linda and I were reflecting on her journey this morning and what we did when she was diagnosed. We realised that we made so many changes in our environment, to support the identity and the outcome we wanted to create.
- We hired a coach who had successfully worked with other cancer diagnoses
- Linda left a longstanding volunteer role which she knew was out of alignment to enable her to focus on healing
- We asked for help from friends and family to be able to handle some of the day to day chores
- We changed diets
- We put up boundaries and quickly stopped communicating with anyone who we felt drained talking to or who wasn’t fully onboard with the direction we were headed.
- We filled our field with stories - books, youtubes, podcasts - of success and became much more conscious about what we exposed ourselves to, and whether it reinforced fear or possibility.
- We started nervous system work to regulate ourselves and ensure we were becoming internally coherent.
- We did courses to learn about nervous system rehearsal and actually applied what we learned, even when it was uncomfortable.
In other words we shifted our environment to reflect who we wanted to become.
The environment we live in literally reflects who we are. The people. The conversations. The triggers. The patterns. The routines. The news stories we engage with. The social media. The youtube’s we watch.
Many of these things might need to change to stabilise a new identity.
If they don’t then you’ll experience constant friction. Old well trodden systems, patterns and reinforcement mechanisms that are constantly trying to pull you back, all while you are trying to stabilise as a new version of yourself.
And that’s the thing.
Transformation is work.
Yes, parts of this can feel uncomfortable.
Yes we don’t want to sometimes.
But if we don’t then, to coin an analogy I have used in another blog, trying to stabilise a new identity is like planting a new seedling outside exposed to the elements. It gets blown about by the wind or trodden on. The seedling needs protection to take hold until it stabilises, otherwise what is already in the garden will continue to bloom (whether it’s positive or not).
So start to become conscious. What are you creating on repeat? And how is your environment subtly supporting that?
And if you’d like some support creating an Identity Shift in an area that you have felt stuck with, we are about to start our next cohort of the Shift on Tuesday 19th. Click here for the details.
If you’re curious about the program you can access Module 1: Becoming A Powerful Creator for free by clicking here. These will be available until Wednesday 20th at 9am BST.
With love,
John x