The Big Red Button
Why letting go of what we don’t want can feel harder than it sounds.
Several years ago I had a short video that I used to share with potential clients. It was called The Big Red Button.
Before I explain it, let me ask you the same question I asked them.
The idea behind it was simple. I would ask them to imagine that in front of us was a large red button, and if I pressed that button, everything in their life that they didn’t want, would instantly change:
The chronic health issue...
The anxiety...
The relationship difficulty...
The problem they had been struggling with would simply be gone.
Then I would ask them a question:
“Would you let me press it?”
It sounds like a strange question, right? After all, if something in your life is painful or frustrating, why wouldn’t you want it gone immediately?
But what fascinated me over the years was the pattern of how people answered the question.
Usually they would start off by saying “Yes”
But when we gave the question space to breathe, hesitation would start to kick in.
And when we explored it, something interesting usually appeared.
It wasn’t that people wanted the problem. It was that they weren’t completely sure what life would look like without it, and they were scared about what they’d lose if they truly made the decision.
Letting go of the familiar can feel surprisingly uncertain. Even when the familiar is uncomfortable.
Because it does involve loss.
It means letting go of safety blankets and saying those difficult things that have remained unsaid.
Or finally admitting to yourself that something just doesn’t work.
When objections arose, I would counter them by helping people to see that their wellbeing was internal. A place of stillness, ironically in the unknown, underneath the noise of the mind.
It helped. But it lacked something.
Because when someone believes they are a victim of circumstance, letting go of a problem can feel risky.
After all, if the problem disappears, what will enter instead?
I began to realise what that missing thing was when someone asked me recently about that old video again, and whether I still saw the exercise in the same way.
When I thought about it, I realised something had changed.
These days I think the red button becomes much easier to press when people begin to see that the quiet space, underneath thought, isn’t inert. It’s a creator space, and we have agency here. In this space we can move from being the ‘actor’ in our lives to the ‘director’. It allows new emotional states to begin to take root in the nervous system and we can choose a new direction to focus our energy.
Now the question is no longer about losing something.
It becomes a question about creating something.
What if you could choose a direction for your life that genuinely excites you?
What if you could begin to hold a vision of something more aligned with who you are?
And what if, by orienting yourself towards that vision, your brain and nervous system began to filter reality differently?
Your eyes.
Your ears.
Your attention.
All beginning to notice possibilities that previously weren’t even visible.
From what I’ve seen over the years, when people start to sense their own creative power, the red button stops feeling dangerous. It becomes powerful. Exciting even.
Because they are no longer stepping into a void.
They are stepping towards something they have chosen.
And from that place, the question changes.
It’s no longer:
Would you let go of the problem?
It becomes something much simpler.
What would you like to create instead?
With love,
John x
If this question resonates with you, Linda and I explore this kind of work in a small group programme called The Shift.
It’s a guided experience where we help people stabilise a new identity and begin creating from it in a practical way.
If you’re curious to learn more, you can find the details here.